about that relationship problem..

So it seems like trust is a big issue for me.

When i first started dating my boyfriend K, he was funny, extremely social, and open about me hanging out with my girls and friends. At least for the first several months. Slowly he started becoming a dictator and i couldn't believe that this was happening. My mind chose to push that fact away (i believe i already loved him at that point in time) and we continued our relationship. Continuity brought about new rules.

1. No talking to guys. Even if they're my friends.
2. No going anywhere without him. Even my girls.
3. Listen to him because he is the man.

These three things then were interconnected with everything else and i was changed from an independent, strong, young woman into a spineless little twit. I always asked for permission to do things and when i broke a rule, there were consequences. But i bore the burdens and assimilated.

K became my everything. My best friend, my partner, my parent. My friends became annoyed and my social life seemed to go down the drain. It isn't all bad though, because i now know who will stick by me and who wont. Anyway, K was my everything. I relied on him for anything that took place and began pestering him when i wanted attention. That is a result of an attention-deprived girl who has only one person to go to.

You have now heard part one of the problem (which includes many other sub-categories of issues within). Now for part two.

Recently, an episode occured where my trust for him was broken. He is able to talk to girls because i do not have the heart (or mind) to deprive him of friends. He believes it is his right to be able to socialize with whomever because he produces more testosterone. Therefore, he has many friends (majority of which, are females) and i bear the unfairness and unjustness that came before me.

Two weeks ago, we had a part time job together and he got some girls' numbers after i ignored him. I ignored him because i didn't want people to believe i was not serious about working. He obviously took things the wrong way and didn't even have the heart to give me the benefit of doubt. The day after i ignored him, he ignored me and began chatting up girls. It was good for business, yes, but good for the girlfriend, no. Of course, i was heartbroken. I hadn't gotten a single male's number other than K. And he seemed so happy talking to them and not me.

Not only that, but he ignored all my calls for a week. I thought he was just ignoring me, but no. It's because he was calling another girl. While i cried in bed at night, he was having fun talking to another female. It was a real punch to the gut.

As a result of that, i do not trust him. He's upset that i dont. I find it weird that he expects me to trust him after that episode. And he wont let me know what they said either so what part of him should i trust? One thing i know for sure. He never let the girl know i was his girlfriend. He referred to me as the girl he used to ****.

Now, we're supposed to be past this, and i forgave him despite suspicions that they still talk (because he doesn't answer his phone at nights anymore). But he's making everything more and more complicated. He says i have to respect him and that i need to treat him better or he'll leave me. I dont believe i have done anything wrong in this situation, yet according to him i have. I'll admit, i have a temper and when it comes out, it comes out. Yet i believe he is the root of the problem. Maybe i'm wrong.

And the reasons why i'm upset at him talking to her are:

1. He ignores me to talk to her
2. He wont tell me what they talk about
3. He's the only one i have. He's made sure of that.

We're both extremely stubborn, so this will either take a while to fix, or fall apart all together. At this point, whether we fall apart or not, I'm exhausted. I've worked so hard to keep this relationship going. I've sacraficed more than one believes i'm capable of sacraficing, and i've got nothing left to give.

He has tried to fix things. He took me out and was extremely kind for a day and i was truly happy. I believed that maybe things could be right again. But the very next day, he was back to being his normal lazy self. And he'd say, "after what i did for you yesterday, you cant even ...."

It is all up to him now, whether we stay together or not. Time will tell.